Many people have probably experienced going cold on their partners. And even if your relationship has started as extremely hot, it can quickly go down in flames. There is an explanation for that and, fortunately, a solution.
Growing cold towards your partner doesn’t mean that you have stopped caring about them. There are many reasons for such behavior, including various health issues. The popular opinion that all partners get bored because of each other’s familiarity is, in fact, not true. If you and your significant other care about your relationship’s future, there’s a way to deal with anything.
Of course, there are several ways to add heat to your relationship – experimenting with poses, toys (have you thought about erection rings or small sex dolls?), places, and spicing up your bed adventures. However, they won’t work if you’re growing distant.
First, you need to understand why you started to grow cold towards each other. Let’s dive into this and find a solution together.
So, Why Can A Hot Relationship Turn Cold?
It’s a Coping Mechanism
Very often, when people grow cold towards each other, it means that they’re bored. This may seem natural or inevitable in a long relationship, but the situation is much more complicated. Love doesn’t have to be doomed, and it’s not true that it only lasts three years.
Our earliest, most passionate feelings may finish shortly, simply because the nerve endings become almost insensitive to the so-called love hormones, but your relationship still can survive on tenderness and communication.
So no, nature is not the reason for you getting bored in a relationship. Most often, it’s a coping mechanism that appears in reaction to you being hurt, angry, or scared because of your partner. You may not even properly understand what’s wrong – but you’re in emotional distress. And if you want to bring the heat back, the problematic issues need to be resolved.
It Started Wrong
The main thing you need to know is that when a relationship starts to turn cold, it may not be your fault. There are several reasons for the partners to grow distant towards each other, and one of them is the launch of a relationship based on manipulation. In such a case, one person woos the other into starting a relationship, showing their affirmation, and then changes their actions radically.
The reason for such behavior may be childhood trauma, emotional unavailability, or low self-esteem, which makes the person show only their “good” side. However, when they start feeling more confident in the relationship, their real personality starts to show up, which may become a problem.
There are two ways in which such a relationship can develop. First, it can grow toxic or even become abusive. And second, both partners can decide to work through their personal issues and build their relationship stronger and healthier than ever before. For that, however, they both need to accept their problems and wish to do something about them.
How to Deal With That?
Find the Reason
Before dealing with any problem, you need to understand why it happened. Whether it was a radical change in your relationship, your partner unconsciously hurt you (or you hurt them), or something else happened in your life – you need to know where it all started. Only then can you look for a solution. Mediation or journaling can help with that.
Talk About It
Communication is essential in any relationship, and it can help resolve almost any issue. Invite your partner for a conversation about your relationship, but do it correctly:
- Choose the right time for a talk – when you both are comfortable.
- Give your partner a heads-up about the conversation.
- Stay positive.
- Use “I-statements”: talk about how you feel and don’t accuse your partner of anything.
- Don’t judge your partner and yourself.
When you’re hurt and start to grow cold towards your significant other, creating a safe forum where you can express your feelings may be very beneficial.
Don’t Be Ashamed to Try Therapy
A conversation with someone can’t always resolve our personal issues. If you have a trauma, therapy may be necessary to work through it. Don’t be ashamed to visit a specialist – personal (or couple’s) therapy is an excellent tool for your relationship’s growth.
A Final Note
It’s widely said that love doesn’t last forever, and many people tend to trust this saying. Because of this, it often seems natural when partners start growing cold towards each other and lose passion.
This can often lead to marriage problems and divorces (or break-ups). But we say that in most cases, you can deal with those issues efficiently, and your love can last.
Yes, the affection that we feel towards the other person at the beginning of our relationship is not eternal; however, true love lives on tenderness, sensitivity, communication, and understanding.
A cold turn in a relationship is, in fact, a symptom that something is going wrong, and you need to deal with the problem. Whether it happened because your partner started acting differently or you got hurt, the heat will appear again when the issues are resolved.
Communication is your key to dealing with any problems in your relationship. Talk to your partner, encourage them to express their feelings, and don’t hide yours. Only then will your love grow stronger.
(Beata Hardzei)
