An unhappy relationship can be one of the most frustrating aspects of life. And yet, it is an incredibly common situation. More relationships fail than go the distance.
The longer a couple is together, the more likely they are to go through periods where they feel disconnected and aren’t vibing.
When this sense of separation happens, many people turn to couples’ counseling (which is a great idea!) or do something temporary to spice up the relationship. But an often-overlooked option is to heal your relationship with sexting.
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Causes of Broken Relationships
There are so many causes of broken relationships and there are two sides to every story. Even the people who were in the relationship would probably list different reasons why the relationship didn’t work.
However, according to therapists, there are a few common denominators of why relationships tend to end, including loss of curiosity, fights about money and sex, and the relationship no longer being a priority.
If you’re unsure if your relationship is ruined or just going through a dry spell, there are a few ways to tell.
Relationship therapists have listed a few benchmarks for knowing when your relationship is truly broken: no mutuality of effort, having to compromise your values to stay in the relationship, a decline in sex, lack of communication, basing the relationship on a promised change that never happens, the partner not getting along with friends/family, lack of support, codependency, lack of transparency, and an inability to solve the underlying problems.
Thankfully, even couples who feel they are in a dire place can find ways to restore their relationship and grow together.
Technology’s Role in Your Relationship
Technology plays a part in every relationship. The way technology affects relationships is still being studied, as this subject is still reasonably new. Technology’s permanent place in our lives has brought about new relational issues like social media addiction and even social media-related infidelity.
And social media can cause tension within your relationship since it can cause jealousy and anxiety. Plus, social media has engineered a new way for people to monitor and surveil their partners, and this kind of behavior doesn’t always correspond with relational health. Instead, it usually is linked with low trust.
But the truth is that technology can either be a positive or negative force in your relationship, depending on how you wield it.
Certainly, technology can make it easier to cheat or otherwise lose the trust of your partner, but it can also bring long-distance couples a way to stay close.
It can be a permanent distraction that interferes with the attention you give your partner, or it can be a tool that you use for connection with each other.
Since technology isn’t going anywhere, couples must be extra vigilant to ensure that they use it in ways that enhance their relationship rather than complicate it. This is where sexting comes in.
How Sexting Can Help
If you look at the causes of broken relationships above, several of the problems have to do with a lack of communication or curiosity or the sex becoming dull.
These issues are common because they are hard to avoid. Not falling into a routine is difficult, but not impossible.
Another study talks about what factors contribute to long-term relationship success. These behaviors include thinking about the other person even in their absence, being affectionate (which includes having sex!), and doing new things together.
And all of these activities are components of sexting. Sexting allows you to stay connected despite periods of physical distance. Plus, sexting often involves lots of affectionate messages.
This type of affection can feel even more potent than in-person affection since both people must depict their feelings in written form rather than simply lean on familiar gestures.
Using a different format to convey your care for each other gives you a new lens to understand how your partner feels—and that can be incredibly intimate and sexy at the same time.
Lastly, if you’ve never sexted with your partner before, doing something new together can be a very connecting experience.
Further, some studies have found that there is a correlation between sexting and relationship satisfaction, though the findings have been mixed.
Even more revealing is that fifty perfect of participants in one study said they experienced positive relationship benefits after sexting. Whether or not they were taking other steps to heal their relationship, they found sexting to be constructive.
Sexting Can Be Therapeutic
Sexting isn’t a step back from “actual sex.” Instead, it’s a new way to experience sex together. Sexting entails a level of distance from each other that doesn’t exist during regular sex, and it means that you have to pay more attention to your partner.
You can’t rely on autopilot—you have to be curious and stay in tune. Mindfulness is always key to improving your sex lives, but it can even help augment your relational health in general.
Staying in the moment helps you move past rumination over past events, and it can keep you focused on your body, making sex all the more intense.
When you sext, you polish your communication skills to convey your desire accurately and to keep your partner absorbed in what you’re doing. When sexting is done well, your partner will be hanging on your every word.
And the skills you learn while sexting can positively impact other aspects of your relationship.
In fact, it’s widely accepted that communication skills are an essential component of healthy relationships because they can help you resolve conflict more quickly and easily. So, the benefits of sexting extend far beyond the bedroom.
Further, when you do something new together, you bring back the energy from the beginning of your relationship. And sometimes, it helps you remember why you were attracted to your partner in the first place.
Giving sexting a try when you want to heal a broken relationship is an excellent idea—and the science backs it up. Just remember to find a safe, privacy-oriented site to host your sexting.