Funny Retirement Wishes, Messages and Quotes

In this article, we have compiled the best funny retirement wishes for a friend and coworker, funny retirement one liners, funny retirement advice don’t forget to, funny retirement wishes for nurses, funny retirement speeches, funny retirement quotes for coworkers, funny retirement poems, funny retirement wishes in hindi, etc



Funny Retirement Wishes

Happy retirement to you. I wish to advice you not to try and cram too many activities into a short span of time. You have no deadlines to beat, no bosses to impress and no customers to satisfy so take your time and just relax.

It doesn’t matter whether you behave like a grumpy retiree or not, because people are going to assume that anyways. Good luck dealing with that.

Congratulations for your retirement. Now you will be forced to work on a never-ending project that will take up all your time and it’s called – Doing Nothing.

What I wish for you as you retire is good health. May you be heart attack free as you grow fat just lazing around. Have a good retirement.


Happy retirement. You should have retired when you were still young because then you had the strength to do much more. Now all you will be doing is sleeping, eating and walking the dog if you have one. No more strength for any meaningful work.

No matter how many college degrees, skill development courses and professional accreditation’s you have received, there is one more qualification you will still receive after your retirement – Master of Doing Nothing. Congratulations.

Congrats, now every day is a Saturday!

When ‘I’m too old for this shit’ becomes your daily mantra, you know it’s time to retire.

Health, family, friends and relationships are some of the things that you sacrificed in your life so that you could work harder and earn more money. Now you will realize that you need these things to enjoy retirement. Such is the irony of life.


Young at heart. Slightly older in other places… Congratulations, and enjoy your retirement!

Feel free to call me and visit when you get bored playing around and doing nothing.

Now you can enjoy doing nothing all day and relax afterward!

You are long past your due date and it is time for you to join the junkyard of retirees. Don’t worry, every once in a while someone finds treasure in a junkyard, and who knows, it may just be you. Have a happy retirement.

After retirement the body grows older, the heart grows fonder and the mind becomes younger. All the best at trying to handle an old body with a young mind and a fond heart.


We took a vote and decided that you retiring is not good for any of us! It’s been redrawn.

Enjoy this new chapter in life, where your wife becomes your boss.

Now that you got your boss off your back, you can do what you want, when you want, as long as your wife approves.

Now you get a new boss who knows about your true work ethic, organizational skills, and excuses. Spouses make the toughest bosses. Good luck!

The money’s no better in retirement, but the hours are!


When you retire, you switch bosses – from the one who hired you to the one who married you. Good luck!

What do you call someone who is happy on Mondays? Retired!

Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money!

You have made your mark, paid your dues, now put on your party shoes! Enjoy this dance party that is retirement.

Retirement is the time when you realize that getting showered and dressed in the morning is now optional.


Now your only job is to have fun, get good at it!

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Congratulations on gaining two new best friends upon your retirement. Their names are Bed and Couch. You will be hanging out with them a lot!

Retirement: think of it as a six month holiday, but twice a year.

All your life you sacrificed your health so you could earn more money to retire happily. Now you’ll realize that you’ll be spending all the money to keep up your health. Congratulations.

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Life has officially given you permission to relax, sit back and enjoy.


Enjoy the money from the government, you’ve contributed enough over the years!

May you enjoy your real retirement years just the way you enjoyed your retirement from the day you began working here. You have mastered the art of retirement and I can assure you that it looks good on you. Happy retirement.

Have a happy retirement and try not to take life too seriously. After all for all the years that you were working you took things easy. Why should you change now?

Funny Retirement Messages

Can you believe that finally from now on all days on your calendar are marked as Sunday? Enjoy them and may you always have a smile on your face. Happy retirement.

Retirement is the only thing that will make you realize how you wasted all these years trying to be mature when you can get back to being a child at the end of it all. Have fun.


It is interesting to note that when people are giving you retirement gifts there is always a watch or a clock as if to tell you that your time is up. Have a time free retirement.

Every day of your retired life will feel like a happy Friday night. But it’s useless because being old will make you feel dull like Monday morning all the time. Happy retirement.

If you truly want to know if you will be missed when you retire try telling people that the retirement has been postponed and you will be coming back to work. I bet you can hear a pin drop. Yap! Now you know. Have a happy retirement.

If we could all have the same attitude you’ve had these last days before retirement, we’d all be a lot less stressed at work. Nothing would get done around here either, but that’s not the point.

For someone as lazy as you, retirement will make no difference in your life except the fact that you can now do nothing, officially. Congratulations.


Congratulations for your retirement. Now you will be forced to work on a never-ending project that will take up all your time and it’s called – Doing Nothing.

Until now, when you slacked at work your boss shouted at you. Now when you slack at household chores, your wife will shout at you. Happy retirement.

Was working hard all your life worth it? You are about to realize that now. Congratulations on retiring.

All these years you argued with your colleagues, juniors, managers and your boss at work. After retirement, you will argue with your grandkids, children and wife at home. Life remains the same.

It doesn’t matter whether you behave like a grumpy retiree or not, because people are going to assume that anyways. Good luck dealing with that.


Consider yourself officially and truly retired on the day you don’t feel like changing your underwear. Good luck.

Retirement is the turning point in your life which makes you realize that you had your priorities messed up all this while. Congratulations, better late than never.

Retirement marks the transition from working under one boss to a new one called WIFE. Congratulations.

Health, family, friends and relationships are some of the things that you sacrificed in your life so that you could work harder and earn more money. Now you will realize that you need these things to enjoy retirement. Such is the irony of life.

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Retirement – the only real excuse you’ll ever have to spend your entire life’s savings. Have fun.


Retirement is said to be the slow and painful lead up to the sunset years of your life. Have fun old timer.

Retirement is a fence – on one side lies hard work and on the other lies boredom. Either ways, it’s no fun.

Retirement is like a bubble that burst just when you think you are at the zenith of your career. Good luck buddy.

Retirement is the company way of indirectly telling you that it has no more use of an old and lazy bum like you. Goodbye.

What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.


I’m retired – give me that senior discount.

You always cursed your body when you were ill which made you miss an important deadline at work. Retirement is when you will finally curse yourself for using an important deadline at work as an excuse for not taking care of your body all these years.

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We’re really going to miss doing all of your work for you.

Take me with you! No, seriously, can you?

You can be sure that your immediate junior only pretends that they will miss you when you retire. Do not be fooled by that sad face. This person is so busy counting the minutes until they can take over your office space that they wish you had even left earlier. Enjoy your retirement anyway.


You’re living proof we can all get out of here alive.

You’re dead to us… JK, have a great retirement, and stay in touch.

Retired and under new management. See the spouse for details.

Happy retirement and my advice is that you do not try to say that you are coming back because you will be surprised at people’s reactions. No one will give back your office, nor your parking space. No one misses you that much.

Retirement: Taking all the meaning out of weekends.


Retired and down to one boss: my wife!

Your computer screensaver is a scene from Green Acres – so you can daydream about that farm you always wanted. Make best use of it, have a happy retirement.

Congrats on your re-tire-ment. Have a wheelie good time!

You lucky bastard! All the best from all the rest.

You always cursed your body when you were ill which made you miss an important deadline at work. Retirement is when you will finally curse yourself for using an important deadline at work as an excuse for not taking care of your body all these years.


We took a vote and it was decided that what you’re doing isn’t helping any of us.

Still amazed you didn’t get fired first. JK, have some great adventures.

As I see it you have been practicing how to retire and now the real thing is here. You are so good at it that there should be no problem taking up your new role. Have a happy retirement.

Retirement is life’s way of telling you that you are too old and too weak to work any longer. Congratulations.

Being retired is the only time in your life when you won’t mind if you don’t get a holiday. Have fun.


Every day of your retired life will feel like a happy Friday night. But it’s useless because being old will make you feel dull like Monday morning all the time. Happy retirement.

All these years you argued with your colleagues, juniors, managers and your boss at work. After retirement, you will argue with your grand-kids, children and wife at home. Life remains the same.

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All your life you sacrificed your health so you could earn more money to retire happily. Now you’ll realize that you’ll be spending all the money to keep up your health. Congratulations.

Funny Retirement Quotes

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” — A. A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

“Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.” — Fred Rogers


“What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.” — Unknown

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” — Winston Churchill

“You can’t retire from being great.” — Unknown

“I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.” — Unknown


“Some of the best memories are made in flip flops.” — Kellie Elmore

“When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money.” — Chi Chi Rodriguez

“There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.” — Robert Half

“Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” — Gene Perret

“In your retirement years never drink coffee at lunch; it will keep you aware in the afternoon.” — Unknown


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“He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t far from retirement.” — Unknown

“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” — Jonathan Clements

“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.” — George Burns

“Instead of saving for someone else’s college education, I’m currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.” — Jen Kirkman

“I have never liked working. To me, a job is an invasion of privacy.” — Unknown


“Retirement: World’s longest coffee break.” — Unknown

“When you retire, you switch bosses – from the one who hired you to the one who married you.” — Unknown

“Spreading sheets sounds more appealing than a spreadsheet.” — Unknown

“My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii.” — Julius Sharpe ‏

“People are always asking me when I’m going to retire. Why should I? I’ve got it two ways. I’m still making movies, and I’m a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.” — George Burns


“You are a person I really admire, because you are a person who gets to retire.” — Unknown

“When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” — R.C. Sherriff

“If you really want to annoy me, ask me when I’m going to retire from rock n’ roll.” — Bruce Dickinson

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” – C.S. Lewis

“There comes a day when you realize turning the page is the best feeling in the world. Because you realize there is so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.” – Zayn Malik


“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” — Bill Watterson

“As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning.” — Earl Nightingale

“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” — Abe Lemons

“Planning to retire? Before you do find your hidden passion, do the thing that you have always wanted to do.” — Catherine Pulsifer

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“You have to put off being young until you can retire.” — Unknown


“There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of experiences just waiting to happen. Some call it ‘retirement.’ I call it bliss.” — Betty Sullivan

“As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.” — Robert Benchley

“If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.” — Doug Larson

“I found out retirement means playing golf, or I don’t know what the hell it means. But to me, retirement means doing what you have fun doing.” — Dick Van Dyke

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.” — Sophia Loren


“It is better to live rich than to die rich.” — Samuel Johnson

“Retirement: No Job, No Stress, No Pay!” — Unknown

“Retire from work, but not from life.” — M.K. Soni

“I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute,
my alarm clock, and my iron.” — Hartman Jule

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Mark Twain


“Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.” — Unknown

“A lot of our friends complain about their retirement. We tell ’em to get a life.” — Larry Laser

“The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.” — Vince Lombardi

Funny Retirement Wishes In Hindi

आपको खुश रिटायरमेंट। मैं आपको सलाह देना चाहता हूं कि बहुत कम समय में कई गतिविधियों को करने की कोशिश न करें। आपके पास हरा करने के लिए कोई समय सीमा नहीं है, कोई बॉस प्रभावित करने के लिए नहीं है और न ही ग्राहकों को संतुष्ट करने के लिए अपना समय लें और बस आराम करें।__ funny retirement wishes in Hindi

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अब आपको एक नया बॉस मिलता है, जो आपकी सच्ची नैतिकता, संगठनात्मक कौशल और बहाने के बारे में जानता है। पति सबसे कठिन बॉस बनाते हैं। सौभाग्य!__ funny retirement wishes in Hindi


इससे कोई फर्क नहीं पड़ता है कि आप एक क्रोधी रिटायर की तरह व्यवहार करते हैं या नहीं, क्योंकि लोग यह मानने वाले हैं कि वैसे भी। इससे निपटने के लिए शुभकामनाएँ।__ funny retirement wishes in Hindi

आपकी सेवानिवृत्ति के लिए बधाई। अब आप एक कभी न खत्म होने वाली परियोजना पर काम करने के लिए मजबूर होंगे जो आपका सारा समय लेगी और इसे कहा जाता है – डूइंग नथिंग।__ funny retirement wishes in Hindi

आपके रिटायर होने के बाद मैं आपके लिए जो चाहूं वह अच्छा स्वास्थ्य है। हो सकता है कि आप हार्ट अटैक से मुक्त हो जाएं क्योंकि आप फैट बढ़ाते हैं। अच्छी रिटायरमेंट हो।__ funny retirement wishes in Hindi

स्वास्थ्य, परिवार, दोस्त और रिश्ते कुछ ऐसी चीजें हैं जिन्हें आपने अपने जीवन में त्याग दिया ताकि आप अधिक मेहनत कर सकें और अधिक पैसा कमा सकें। अब आपको एहसास होगा कि सेवानिवृत्ति का आनंद लेने के लिए आपको इन चीजों की आवश्यकता है। ऐसी है जीवन की विडंबना।__ funny retirement wishes in Hindi

सेवानिवृति की बधाई। आपको तब सेवानिवृत्त होना चाहिए था जब आप अभी भी युवा थे क्योंकि तब आपके पास बहुत कुछ करने की ताकत थी। अब तुम सब करोगे, सो रहा है, खा रहा है और कुत्ते को टहला रहा है अगर तुम्हारे पास एक है। किसी भी सार्थक कार्य के लिए अधिक ताकत नहीं। __ funny retirement wishes in Hindi


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